


Sometimes I can still hear his voice

by ly_writes



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Betaed, Crack, Do British people have backyards??, Fake Character Death, Fake Funeral, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Crack, Gen, I am but a pathetic american, Old Age, Real Life, Some Plot, Wakes & Funerals, he’s dead for comedic purposes, january sixth?? We don’t know what that is it’s never existed hahA, wooooh plastic but it’s woooh fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28599399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ly_writes/pseuds/ly_writes
Summary: “Why are headstones so fucking expensive?”“Would a dead person fit in a canoe?”“I cried for comedic purposes, you dumb bitch-”“Send her condolence flowers for her living husband!”===Otherwise known as—WE PLANNED PHIL’S FUNERALTubbo728K subscribers
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Tommyinnit & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 78
Kudos: 459





	Sometimes I can still hear his voice

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [mellow](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28591872) by [qar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/qar/pseuds/qar). 



> We ignore all January 6th events in favor of mindless British block man fluff mhm-
> 
> ===
> 
> I am a peasantly American with no sense of money or worth; you could tell me my bag of Skittles cost 50$ and I’d be like yeah that sounds right. That’s why, although the currency used is pounds, please don’t take this as reliable! All research was done in maybe a few minutes, to be honest-
> 
> Also, this is all for fun and I do not claim to represent the actual content creators in this fic! Respect them guys!  
> Enjoy this!

“My god, Ph1lza Minecraft turning thirty fucking three today? He’s on his deathbed already!” Tubbo jokes in response to the voice chat shouting “Happy Birthday!!!” at the man in question.

“What? Mate, when do you think people are on their deathbeds?” Phil laughs, almost choking on his water.

“We’ll be hosting a funeral for the bitch later this month,” Tommy joins in, barely managing to conceal his laugh behind an attempted tearful tone.

All three of their chats were flying by, keysmashes and laughing emojis at the forefront of the pack. A donation filtered through Phil’s stream, accompanied by a tinny singing noise. “Can’t believe Dadza’s funeral is next month—“ Phil chuckled, “Chat, I’m literally sat right here, streaming,” “—Sometimes I can still hear his voice,” the automated voice finished.

“Bruh,” Phil deadpanned at his camera.

Tubbo hummed for a second, cutting himself off abruptly. “You know what, Phil, if I hit my subgoal on this stream, I’ll pay for your funeral in two weeks. Actually— Hey, Tommy!”

“What’s up, Tubbo?”

“Why don’t we vlog the funeral? We’ll invite Wilbur too, and we’ll be three devastated sons mourning their father’s death.”

Wilbur, who’d been incapacitated with laughter for twenty seconds straight, managed to wheeze into his mic. “What- what about the Blade?”

Phil just stared straight into his camera with an “are you fucking seeing this shit” face.

“We’ll send him an invite and see if he shows up, eh?” Tommy suggested.

“He’s in the fuckin’ US! He’s not gonna show up for a fake fuckin’ funeral!” Phil laughed.

“Hop to it, Tubbo’s chat! Gotta pay for the expenses somehow!” Tommy said.

Needless to say, chat was right tickled at the thought of a Sleepybois Inc. vlog, and Tubbo hit his subgoal in the next twenty minutes.

“Well guys, it’s settled! Mr. Philza Minecraft is declared dead and his funeral will be sometime this month— feel free to send his wife condolence gifts and flowers!” Tubbo smirked.

“What the fuck is happening,” Phil sighed. His chat was promptly flooded with “shhh don’t talk you’re dead” and “dead people don’t talk Phil” “Phil you’re a terrible corpse” “does this mean Corpse is actually Phil’s wife?”

===

The vlog picked up with Tubbo sitting at his streaming setup, filming a short introduction and spitting the typical “please have pity and subscribe” spiel. “So! About three weeks ago, Phil went from an old man to a corpse. Just kidding! He’s not dead, but we had a bit about it and I told chat that if I hit my subgoal we’d host a funeral and invite Tommy, Wilbur, and Techno. You guys are super awesome— we hit the goal in, like, half an hour— so we’re having a funeral!”

“Well, except for the fact that funerals are actually really fucking expensive. I was expecting maybe five or six hundred pounds total, but just the headstone we want costs that much! Weighs it too- we were gonna have Phil take it home as a souvenir but rocks are pretty heavy. I’d never have guessed, honestly,” Tubbo laughed.

“So, instead of spending a shit ton of money on this fake funeral, we used the money to get a few supplies, and we’re going to have the funeral in Phil’s backyard!”

A cut to Tommy and Tubbo at Phil’s doorstep, with all identifying features carefully blurred out. Tubbo is holding what appears to be a disgustingly yellow canoe and Tommy has fake flowers that have clearly cost no more than two dollars and is wearing a clip-on bow tie with a hoodie. 

Kristen opens the door and absolutely dies laughing at the sight of two teenage boys holding a canoe. “I am very sorry for your loss, Mrs. Minecraft,” Tommy manages with a straight face, handing her the cheap flowers. “Thank you, Tommy.”

They are now standing in Phil’s yard with a bunch of painting supplies on the grass, along with that horrid banana monstrosity. “We’re painting this canoe into a coffin!” Tubbo shouts.

“Phil’s coffin!” Tommy chimes in.

Their only colors are brown, bright blue, and glow in the dark. It’s a terrible array of colors, and so is their subject after the subsequent paint job. Wilbur arrives halfway through, dressed in a suit and hauling a lectern with a Bible inside. “What the fuck are you wearing, Will?” Tommy cranes his neck to look at him from his spot on the ground.

“I’m your self-appointed eulogist. Is that a bow tie? On your hoodie?”

“Yes, it is,” Tubbo answers for him. Wilbur sets down the lectern and places his notecards in a neat stack on top.

The next thirty seconds is just a time lapse of painting and speech-practicing, and then they are interrupted by Phil walking into frame, holding a laptop and mouse. He sighs visibly. “We’re doing this?”

“Yes. Get in the canoe, Phil, dead people don’t talk,” Wilbur points at the mostly brown but electric-blue accented “coffin” that the two teenagers have done an absolute shit job at painting.

Phil sighs, sitting down in the bottom and placing his computer and mouse on the bench. He opens it and begins to load up Minecraft.

Wilbur taps away on his phone for a second, and then clears his throat. “Today, ladies and gentlemen— Er, just gentlemen, actually— we are-”

He is interrupted as someone bursts through the Back door of the house. “Wait! I’m not too late, am I?” A distinctively American voice huffs out.

“What the fuck? Technoblade???” Tommy shouts, eyes bugging out of his head.

The man, now recognizable as Techno, straightens up. “Surprise, bitch— the money you guys were gonna use for the funeral helped pay for my plane ticket actually— plus, Wilbur helped arrange things.”

He strides forward and plants the gray mass he’s holding by the canoe. As he backs away, the camera focuses on it. It’s a badly painted Party City headstone with a few things scribbled on it in Sharpie.

Ph1lzA Minecraft  
34 BC-2021 AD  
Father, husband, and little bitch  
Died of old man

The whole gathering, minus Phil, falls into hysterics as they take in the sight. This is the most ridiculous thing they’ve ever done, and that’s saying something.

Eventually, they gather themselves and bring the “service” back to some semblance of order. Wilbur begins his speech again.

“We are gathered to celebrate and mourn the oldest man alive: Philza Minecraft. His most notable achievements included surviving five years in Minecraft Hardcore, living to an astronomical age, and achieving a wife.” Tommy is attempting to hold back laughter.

“We are all absolutely devastated at the reality that is the passing of such a wise soul, and we mourn the loss of so many years of knowledge—”

“I am literally less than eight years older than you, Wilbur,” Phil cuts in, looking exhausted.

Wilbur raises his voice in response to the interruption. “I often hear his voice in my head, giving me advice, encouragement—” he breaks off with sniffles so overdramatized that only Tubbo and Tommy’s facades of seriousness could be faker. “I— I can’t, I’m sorry,” he quickly pours a water bottle over his face. “I am so devastated.”

Everyone in the vicinity bursts out with laughter, and by the end of it, Tubbo is on the ground and Wilbur is holding onto the lectern as he chokes. “I told my family I was going to a funeral and they looked so sympathetic— I almost lost it in front of them,” Techno gets out.

There’s a cut, from which one can assume that the Sleepybois remained incapacitated and unable to continue for at least another three minutes.

The rest of the funeral passes for serious like three dogs in a trench coat pass for a person at a bar- it really doesn’t, but they’re trying. They carry on cracking jokes and laughing until Kristen opens the back door and calls them in for lunch like a mother herding a bunch of children around. 

The video ends with a short clip of them at a cinema, where Tubbo very seriously informs the poor employee that Phil is an old man that absolutely qualifies for the senior discount and Tommy nearly spews his Coke all over the counter.

===

Sleepytwt is all over the vlog as soon as it comes out, and a still of Phil playing Minecraft in a canoe as Wilbur pretends to sob over his “dead body” becomes a common meme for not giving a shit. Tommy proudly declares the funeral video Phil’s “jump in the Cadillac” and promptly retweets a million memes.

The next year, as Phil is sung Happy Birthday by Tommy, the boy brings up the idea of an annual “deathiversary” and is promptly hung up on.

“Not today, chat. Not today.”

**Author's Note:**

> Do British people have backyards? I’m very curious...
> 
> Can we start a petition to distinguish SMP roleplay fic from real life fics? I find myself wanting to read specifically one or the other often, so tagging things “Real Life” or “Realistic Minecraft” is especially helpful!!
> 
> This was inspired by qar’s mellow, but it was just a one-off joke of their’s that snowballed into this mess! (It’s that deathbed joke at the beginning, if you were curious.) Go read it! It’s soft and poggers!!
> 
> Thank you for reading! :333


End file.
